Everything happens for a reason, something I’ve said in many posts, because it is my absolute complete belief.
Some people may have guessed from previous entries that I am suicidal, I know the how, I know the where, I even know what i would put in my last letter. I pretty much have the entire thing planned, even down to the items I would use sitting right next to me.
And over the last two months my bad thoughts have been over whelming, almost everyday I would sit and think, ‘is this the day I kill myself’.
But I’ve noticed, that over the last month, I’ve been too distracted to think about killing myself.
Friends have suddenly come out of the woodwork and are inviting me out every weekend, hanging out with me during the week, inviting me out dancing with them. They are making long term plans that I am really looking forward too, like, sometime in the next month my friend Kali wants to take a trip to Sydney and visit Luna Park, but we don’t have an exact date, so I need to wait for that, then at the end of May another friend is having a murder mystery party at my house which I am really looking forward to. I’m even planning a visit to my dad sometime at the end of the year (the distant father, we’re talking again and I’m loving it :])
Long term plans that I don’t want to miss, which means I can’t kill myself.
Like I said, everything happens for a reason, what if all these plans mean that I shouldn’t kill myself, after all, why give me something to look forward to in the near future if my death is my only purpose.
All I can say to whatever god exists and is helping me now, is thankyou 🙂